State of Decay is broken as fuck.
But it is also amazing. You should try the demo. (xbox)
I am not going to be on FA for a while, and if I ever am, it will be under a different account and kept secret. If you need to reach me, you know where to find me. If you don’t know where to find me…That’s the point. But I typically share contact info with those who ask.
The truth is, at some point a month or two ago, beset by impossibility on all sides, I snapped. I permanently broke, I realized that I was in way over my head, had no viable skills, had wasted 24 years of my life, and was unable to support those I held dear with any resources at all, because I had none to my name.
I have had powerful bouts of depression my entire life, but this was different, more calm, a peaceful acceptance that I would never be happy or content for the rest of my days. I was getting anxiety attacks from school, so I stopped going. Failed all my classes, plunged thousands of dollars into debt with nothing to show for it. Getting a job (or a whole bunch of jobs) won’t change the fact that we had to move into an expensive apartment to go to school, and without school to serve as an excuse, both my parents want to “save” me by whisking me away to either A) An empty Nevada desert so I can go to an awful community college and continue to have no future or B) What will likely be a hand-me-down room surrounded by obnoxious alcoholics and a job without regular meal breaks. I’d like to stay here. But I don’t know how that’s possible.
I used to dream, to aspire to be someone cool. I gave up, hope is a silly thing to me now. I’ll be lucky if I can get two minimum wage jobs, and both of them combined won’t pay the bills, so what difference does it make? I’d love to do -something-, learn to draw, build up some kind of skillset to do cool things with, but I can’t do that and earn the income required to exist at the same time. I literally can’t afford to dream.
It didn’t help that my online existence was just as strenuous, between friends stabbing me in the back and leaving me in the dust over and over again, I grew paranoid, I stopped trusting people, and after being repeatedly attacked for my interests, I stopped wanting to share. I haven’t been able to write a worthwhile story in months, and I may never again. I used to look forward to meeting new people. Now I wish I didn’t exist.
And after finding another character thief I deleted any method for me to access FA or F-chat. So I think I’m actually done this time.
I don’t usually do shout-outs, but:
Please at least upvote these guys on greenlight if nothing else. I really want this thing to happen.
I have literally become such a wreck that I think I have developed new nervous ticks on top of the old ones.
Someone told me my constant state of depression was annoying, used it to pinpoint me online, then deliberately hurt me. Again.
Look, I’m sorry there is literally a thing in my brain that stops me from experiencing normal levels of human happiness, but please don’t attack me for it. Or anyone else, for that matter. Someone even slightly less mentally stable than I is liable to hurt themselves when you bring them that low, you might as well be pointing a gun at them.